Joshua Nozzi @joshuanozzi@appdot.net

I like to think Jones and Cleese would appreciate this humo(u)r.

Wonderful night with a wonderful witch. Nathan and I spent some time with a friend of ours. ❤️

Yeah? Well they’ve been adding sugar and fat to children for YEARS and nobody’s trying to save adults from eating THEM, are they?! 😡

“Halt and catch fire.” 😂

Remember Hands Across America? This is like that, but without all that lib’rul feel-good, everybody’s-a-human-being nonsense. Also with guns.

Trump will call it Hands Across Murika.

Nathan’s watching ALL of the “Irish People Try...” videos pertaining to American food and different kinds of alcohol.

I found the one with various half-and-half (where half is Guinness) to be the funniest. There’s the “Guinness is Holy” group, “Guinness is Shite”, and “Whad’y jussay?!” The latter is said from one Irish person to another in a tone suggesting a fight was edited out of the video.

These things are creepy.

Really, Fox News? Fucking really?

That seems ... unlikely.

I told Nathan gleefully I would turn them over on their little backs or, if that’s illegal, just pick them up and turn them around. Something. 😈😈😈

He replied, “What if they squealed or something when they’re fucked with.”

😳...😂😂😂😂 I’d do it even more!!! Oh my god!!! Look at it squirm!!! Oh, wait, is that... that’s the dandruff shampoo I ordered!

I’ll say this: If Apple tries to sell this bullshit excuse for a laptop that doesn’t close right, I’ll be done buying new hardware from them for awhile.

Heh. Botsbane.

I really AM trying...

I find it odd that, at 40 years old, I have the wispy - and still appearing - chest hair of the average 19 year old white boy.

I find it odder still that this time last year, only my nipples were hairy and my belly hair stopped short just above my belly button. They’re now connected in a loose federation with an intersection at my sternum that can only be seen clearly up close when I’m wet.

Is this Second Puberty? Am I some sort of freak?

Cream of chicken and wild rice with potato gnocchi, corn, celery, carrots, fresh-pressed garlic, red onion, shallots, fresh-chopped basil and cilantro, and fresh-ground pepper.

Oh, and water. Plus salt.

Go ahead. I can’t think of any good ones off the top of my head.

Coupla things about this “Amazon Daily Giveaway Deal”:

1) The look on the thing’s face is bizarre, considering where it goes.

2) NOBODY FUCKING BELIEVES YOU’RE USING THAT THING FOR KEGEL EXERCISES! IT FUCKING VIBRATES, KAREN!!!

Nathan: 😏 Sounds like an Onion article.

Me: 😠 No, it’s a POTATO article. Weren’t you listening?!

Nathan: 😡 Shut up!

I feel like calling it “Starship” is an astronomical stretch, considering its intended range.